Luc's Blog

Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room? Or maybe it wasn't as crowded as you felt it was,  and you know that you were perfectly safe because you were with your closest friends,  but in that moment,  two felt like twenty thousand and you couldn't breathe because everyone's watching you and they took the air from the room and. .... Stop. Breathe. "Sorry." You're in control. . . Nobody's watching you. They love you and they are glad you are here. But. .... what if they are not glad you're here and you're a third wheel,  and you're useless anyway. . . They'd be better off without you here anyways. They wouldn't even notice you being gone, and even if they did, they'd be happy you are gone. . . . STOP! BREATHE! DAMNIT, BREATHE AGAIN! "I'm so sorry." "Don't apologize.  You didn't do anything. It's so annoying that you say sorry so much!" Great job, fuck up! You're ...

The girl sat across the green park bench, the wind softly blowing her black hair to and fro. She sat there fidgeting with her black hairband, wrapping it around her index and middle finger, and then undoing what she had just done. Staring off into the distance, with her back against the wall, she recounted stories of her past; those past wounds that have never quite healed the way they were supposed to. For only knowing him for a few weeks, she opened up several things from her past, as the clock pressed forward, never interrupting her. He could only sit there and listen, contributing a minor story or two to show that he was both listening, and understood how she felt, but never wanting to take away from her story. After all, she was the focus. For whatever reason, she felt that these things needed to be said. He wasn't going to stop her. As she remembered, he noticed the employees of the funeral home across the street closing up for the day, turning off lights and preparing ...

Let's talk, shall we? Seriously looking for answers.  Why the hell, does a park that my tax money pay for, close ever?!? "It's too stop drug addicts" some may say. . .  Install blue street lights so that druggies can't find their veins. Increase police presence. I'll gladly pay my share to utilize this option.  If I can't even sit at a park for 15 minutes without being harassed, I'm sure they can catch druggies. Matter of fact, allowing them to be there later might actually bring more people out of the wood works.  . . . More bullshit revenue for the city, right? They make more criminalizing people than they will for a citation.  What benefit does it do me as a citizen to pay for something that I can only utilize 18 hours of the day? I pay extra for a gym membership that has a 24 hour site for a reason. And what the fuck will not happen at 11pm that could at midnight?!? If the city was smart, they would utilize that space as a herding spot to cat...

Dear Friend, I know that you get busy in your life, and I know that you have other priorities, but I wish I could tell you how badly you hurt me when you ignore me. I would so much rather you tell me that you're busy, or that you hate me, or that you'd rather me harm myself in the most painful way over being ignored. My anxiety has been through the roof recently, and I've told you this, and then when I reach out to you to try to just find some level ground you don't even try anymore. Days pass by, and I hear one or two words from you, if even that. Can you possibly imagine what that does to me? You're literally feeding the beast within. With the one person I trust to talk to about my issues blows me off, I then an stuck battling thoughts of inadequacy, in addition to the situation that started the episode in the first place. You have then started a vicious cycle with me because I'll get clingy, looking to be saved from my anxiety. You will continue to ...

There are two types of people reading this. To the people who have been there and have seen those dark nights filled with depression  and anxiety themselves and get it, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for understanding these things. To the people who don’t understand me at night, it’s not your fault. I know you mean well, and I know you really want the best for me — you just haven’t been there yourself. And that’s OK. Heck, that’s great. I don’t ever want you to have to be there. But there are things I want you to know when I text you at night in a craze of depression and anxiety. 1. It took everything in the world for me to text you.  I typed that text and erased it at least five times, and I probably threw my phone on the ground after I closed my eyes and hit send — embarrassed, scared and full of shame. Terrified you’d actually respond, I curled myself up in a ball and cringed when I heard the vibration of my phone signa...

Merry Christmas 2016 Lucas Colgrove update: Wowza! Another year gone by in a flash. Who would have thought that time could fly?!