Talking

NOTE: This was written on 12/06/2010 at 10:00 PM  


   So, she says hi to me in class, and in the hall, and occasionally through the internet, but overall, is she really talking with me, or just trying to use me for some unknown purpose. Sure, she could really mean it when she says she appreciates what I do for her, but in reality, I can't help but to wonder how much I am being played. I attend events for her, and offer my unconditional love, and yet I still feel like she is just playing a game.
      Does this mean it is an empty relationship, or should I still pursuit her friendship? To compare to life, how do we know this whole thing is a game. I am 16, and have never met someone as special to me as she is. I just can never find the right words to say to her. I know that if she tells the truth, she goes through the same family life that nobody ever should go through. So what does this all mean?
The way I see it, is that she knows who I am, when nobody does. She can see through me to the deepest cores of my very being. She knows what my inner thoughts are, and she is willing to help me in times of trouble. This also means that she is willing to talk to me about her own problems, showing me that she trusts me. Who would ever want to break trust from anyone? Maybe I don't understand the intentions of someone foolish enough to want to hurt someone's feelings, but I have never really been a fan of bulling. That is another way I know she knows my thoughts.
      I have never told anyone how badly I would love to go back in time to change 2 things. The first thing would be that I would destroy any rumor that was lead ti believe was gay, although I have no problem with some people who choose a lifestyle as mentioned earlier; in fact, some of the dearest people in life are involved in that lifestyle. The second would be to return to my freshman year of high school, and stop myself from stating how I felt about the KW dance team. I made a hurtful, cruel, and harsh judgement on some of the sweetest girls that I have ever met. If only I wouldn't have said such a foolish thing, maybe I could have better friends.
      I feel soo alone in this world now-days. Soo many people shun me, or do not want anything to do with me and it makes me feel bad, because I never meant to hurt people. If you are here reading this, I appreciate your support.
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